Hi everyone,
Sorry I haven't posted in a LONG time! Life has just been crazy busy and it doesn't slow down for anyone. I am so overwhelmed right now with school and home and life and everything. I am behind in school, and never feel perfect anymore and I cannot find a good balance between cancer life and being normal. I am having back spasms most likely due to scar tissue build up, I cannot sleep, I have heart burn, I continue to lose weight, my blood sugars are all over the place and quit frankly CANCER SUCKS. I cannot have a job due to being tired all the time and cant do sports because i bruise too easy and I am tired, my teeth are slowly deteriorating, my kidneys are exhausted, my heart is exhausted I am exhausted. When will life be NORMAL again?? I am just having one of those nights that everything is going wrong. I am physically, emotionally, and mentally tired. Do you think if I had the choice of having and ipad or every special treatment all the backstage passes all of the trips, being skinny and having cancer I would chose that over being health and normal and in sports, in school, having friends, having a job, being able to be out in the sun, being a normal weight, having normal things NO I would much rather be HEALTHY. This is one of the hardest things for me with my siblings. I don't like being sick or losing my hair 3 times or losing weight having tons of doctor appointments missing school. All I want is to be normal like everyone else. I love all the experience I have gotten and I have a totally different life because of what I have gone through. But knowing there is a possibility of losing the fight is TERRIFYING. The emotion part of this is the hardest. Seeing your parents be so worried about you and to see the fear in their eyes is not comforting. All i can say is I would NEVER wish this upon ANYONE. There is my little rant and a little glimpse of what goes on in my head. Please just continue to pray for strength and for the doctors to find a cure!
Love you all
~Cora
